a thousand words (trapped inside me)
by Kareh
Summary: "Laura Hale had always been brave. Not like Derek. Derek hadn't said a word since the fire. Laura stopped trying to talk to Derek about it after she caught him with his mouth full of blood from trying to bite his own tongue off, so he'd never have to speak again. So he'd never have to tell her what he did..." (Past non-con, hints of self harm)


WARNING: Dark themes of past non-con and hints of self harm. Please stay safe and don't trigger yourself.

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**A Thousand Words (Trapped Inside Me)**

Laura Hale had always been brave. Too brave, Derek's mom used to say, whenever she got called into the Principles office because Laura had risen to a classmates challenge of putting pins on a teacher's chair or putting glue. She had never been the type to back down.  
They were at school when they got called out of class – 'I'm afraid there's been an incident.'  
Laura didn't cry when she seen the house. She didn't cry when she identified the bodies of her parents or her siblings. If Laura had cried about the fire at all, Derek never heard it.  
Laura Hale had always been brave.  
Not like Derek. He hadn't said a word since the fire. Not even when Laura shook his shoulders screaming at him, 'Do you know who it was? You did, didn't you? Did someone threaten you? Derek, you can tell me. Who was it? Who did this? What happened, Derek?!'  
Not even Laura's alpha eyes could get him to speak. Laura stopped trying to talk to Derek about it after she caught him with his mouth full of blood from trying to bite his own tongue off, so he'd never have to speak again. So he'd never have to tell her what he did. But every time he tried, it just healed up again.  
Derek was ashamed. He cried in the shower that night, when he scrubbed his body clean, trying to erase the memory of the hands on him and _'I'll make you into a man.'  
_Derek had been so eager to grow up – to go to college, to meet his mate. That all seemed like a lifetime away, now. Derek just wanted everything to stop. To go back.  
The first full moon was just one week after the fire and it had been difficult. Derek tore himself up so bad that he lost consciousness and Laura was terrified that, like Peter, he wouldn't heal. Derek broke down when he came to, crying and screaming, words that Laura never wanted to hear her brother say ever again, until he could speak no more. And Laura realised that she had to get her baby brother out of here, before he ended up killing himself.  
They left Beacon Hills after the funeral, after they found there was no hope of Peter waking up. After a nurse witnessed Laura's breakdown of 'WHY HAVEN'T YOU HEALED?!' and Derek's breakdown in the woods.  
They move around from place to place before they find themselves in New York. It's a huge, busy city and they both hate it, but Laura knows the best way to hide is right in the open.  
The pain's still there, but life goes slowly by as Laura forces Derek to go back to school while she gets a job so she can pay the rent on the shitty one bedroom apartment they share. Derek doesn't get any better and Laura doesn't worry any less. They aren't apart, except from when Derek goes to school and Laura goes to work, but Laura calls him at every break. Derek never calls her, but Laura knows he relies on her calls just as much as she does, even if he doesn't say anything. If Laura's just a couple minutes late calling, she can hear the tension in his voice.  
They fall into a routine that is broken roughly a year since the fire when Derek doesn't come home from school one day. His cell is off and Laura tries not to panic too much, rationalising with herself that Derek's on his way home and he won't be much longer. Maybe he finally made a friend and got caught up. So she takes a shower, gets ready for work, puts Derek's dinner in the microwave ready for him to heat up when he gets back, which will be any minute now.  
She smells Derek's pain before the door even opens and spins round to look at her little brother, readying herself to yell at him because she was so worried.  
But she doesn't yell. Because Derek's hair is messy and his eyes are red and swollen with tears and she's reminded of the six year old that came to her when he had a nightmare, that she just wraps him up in a hug.  
A while later, Laura has phoned in sick to work and she's next to Derek on the sofa, knees touching as they pretend to watch crappy T.V. but they know that something's different. That Derek's working up the courage to tell her something important.  
Finally, the credits roll on screen and Derek says in a shaky voice, 'I killed our family, Laura. It was my fault. I let her…I didn't stop her. I couldn't. I knew she was a hunter, but I thought she was different, she – she said she…' Loved him. Derek doesn't say the words, but Laura hears them anyway and the pieces start to fall into place.  
'Give me a name, Der,' Laura says, surprisingly calm. It's dark now, the only light in the room is from the T.V.  
'I can't,' Derek whispers, 'because I know you'll go looking and I can't – I can't lose you too.'  
'You don't think I can take her?' Laura demands, and Derek flinches, so she tries again, softer, 'What did she do to you, Der?'  
Derek doesn't reply, but he looks up at her finally and it's written on his face - not only did that bitch murder her family, but she abused her baby brother in the worst way possible. Laura cries then, for the first time in front of Derek, as she pulls her brother in close. Derek starts to pull away, apologising, repeating that it was his fault, but she holds him tighter.  
Laura leaves for Beacon Hills in the night while her brother sleeps.  
Laura Hale had always been brave.

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**A/N:** Ahhhh, I haven't attempted to write fan fiction in about five years, so please forgive me if it's terrible and if you think Derek is too out of character (but because its preseries I made him act how I wanted him too, he can be all big scary sourwolf later if I write another companion piece to this which depends on the response this gets). Criticism is good, but please be nice 'cause posting this was really scary.  
Title is from Hoobastanks 'A Thousand Words' which I was listening to as I wrote this.


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